Zombie Action Plans: Weapons

I don’t care that you don’t want to fight zombies. This is the apocalypse. You don’t have to go around hunting them for fun but you do need to be able to protect yourself and your companions. Waving a white flag at a zombie is not an option. They don’t take prisoners – they’ll just eat the flag and then you for dessert. So, you’re going to need a long range weapon and some options for close quarters combat when it’s unavoidable.

Long range weapons are typically guns and bows. Handguns generally don’t have the range (but one for closer quarters is fine) so you’re probably looking for a rifle or shotgun. Sure, machine guns look cool in the movies, but they’re difficult to use, even harder to get hold of, and replacement ammo isn’t going to be easy to find. In an Australian situation look for a good roo-shooter- easy to get, easy to use and lots of spare parts available. Of course if you’re considering firearms you will need to obtain a licence – do this in advance! Alternatively, archery equipment is easier to come by and has fewer regulatory requirements. However there can be more skill involved in getting a head-shot just right, and time spent nocking a new arrow might be problematic. It depends on your skill and comfort level – personally I think you should have both!

Almost anything can be a close-quarters-weapon in an emergency, but you’re better off choosing something you’re comfortable with, that is easy to carry, and that is effective for brain destruction (it’s no good stabbing them repeatedly with a knife that isn’t long, strong or sharp enough to get to the brains. Brains are key.)

Whatever weapons you choose it is essential that they are not just for show – you have to know how to use them. The only way to do this is to train frequently (and take lessons if you need to) – it will keep you fit in the meantime and one day may just save your life.

Max Brooks’ manual The Zombie Survival Guide has some good information on weapons for those unfamiliar with them, or you can check out the info at the Zombie Hub.

Share with us all: what weapons you will be carrying when the zombies attack?


10 Responses to “Zombie Action Plans: Weapons”

  1. Best I saw was in the game Half-Life 2. Zombies are noted for not ducking. This weapon consisted of a a lawnmower with extend blades, without the casing, and put on a pole at around chest height.

    You start it remotely, and stand on the opposite side of it to the zombies.

    Any that make it through, will be a lot slower and can be finished off with hand weapons.

    • That certainly sounds designed for maximum carnage!

      • A lawnmower was also used in Peter Jackson’s Brain Dead movie 🙂

        The zombies in the Half-Life series are people who have been killed with “HeadCrabs” and had their bodies taken over and in some cases mutated.

        The most effective mass stopping of zombies that I know of was to hack the computer system of the Borg in Star Trek: NextGen.

  2. For longer range, I suppose I’d be scorned if I went with a shotgun? I mean, I know my aim would suck with anything else, but shotguns have that wonderful scatter shot thing going on.

    Up close and personal, I suppose I’ll have to opt for double swords or machetes or something with a good sharp edge. In my case I certainly hope it won’t get up close ‘n personal, but zombies being what they are…

    • Shotguns are perfectly good zombie weapons. Given the scatter pattern you might need a couple of shots to destroy the brain, but since most of us aren’t sharp-shooters we’re probably going to need that anyway!

  3. For up close and personal I want one of those pointy sturdy-needle type things they kill aliens with in the X-Files. It’s retractable (so I won’t accidentally stab myself carrying it in my pocket) and would be perfect for stabbing into the brain stem… but since I’m pretty sure this was an X-Files invention I may have to go for something like a dirk…

  4. I wish zombies would learn to fight with weapons that lead to, e.g., reforestation – perhaps with giant, pointy seed pods that burst open upon impact with skulls to allow the seeds to fall to the ground and create ferny undergrowths – the weapons thereby affecting the brain by inducing unnatural inclinations to take repose in forest glades.

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